He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I would ride that face into the sunset
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