my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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