sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
