I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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