she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Small penises have feelings too.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
