its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
