I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
did you just send me my own nude
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
