I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sext me about skeletons
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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