He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
