Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
