I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
