Your face is a jimmy john
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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