I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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