I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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