there was a trapeze. enough said
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
