i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
