i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
