I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
