I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
please come you make the beer taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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