You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
