I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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