He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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