I just pynch a tree in the face
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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