Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Pappa wants mamma naked
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
