my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
