I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
