Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
