R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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