we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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