So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
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its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
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When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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