what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
