what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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