He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
