If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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