Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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