textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
