guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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