omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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