Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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