Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
