Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
