Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
