It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
