there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
