stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
