So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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