I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
