Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize