Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
