The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
A+ Viking dick
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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