Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
