I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
