Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
