I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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