My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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