You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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