boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
