How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
