i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
