No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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