So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
