We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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