I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wish you could order shots online.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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