Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
