sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
