Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize