Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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