The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
