Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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