Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
