Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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