I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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