Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
