so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
