So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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