at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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