I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
