So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
