Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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