apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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