Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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