You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
