Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
