i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
